I’ve read a lot of articles about how people behave differently to differnt people. Not just uptight professional at the office & wild party animal on the weekends. I mean that you behave one way to one friend, & completely different to another. We all do it. This doesn’t make us fake, it is adapting to each personality & situation as best we can. Or if we don’t, end up sitting at “the loaners'” table.
Some people are just who they are, unapologetically, & unphased, while others bend here & there to people please. I am a people-pleaser, by nature, & most often, my obsessive thoughts of “it will make me a bad person,” or “I just have to,” have really propelled that people-pleasing in my life.
Looking at patterns in my life, & routines, especially, my shrink asked me, blankly, & as if I were from another planet, “Why do I have to?” I sat there for a minute, stunned. I had absolutely no answer.
“Will it cause harm?” she continued. And paused for her question to sink in.
“Will having a messy living area cause physical harm? Will having a good time once in a while honestly result in physical harm to a third party from some cosmic force?”
So, with this new empowerment, I realize that I can say no when I want to. Even if it’s just because I feel like it.
Their are certain social “norms”, like holding a door open when someone is right behind you, or having good manners, & being courteous, but you can, or shall I say, I do, take it to the extreme.
I judge myself harshly. We are always our own worse critic, but the OCD brain can’t shut it down. And the added benefits of ADHD really don’t help. So we clean, to the extreme. We wash our hand incessantly. We fall back onto our rituals. And when we are too far from our comfort zone, those intrusive thoughts become overwhelming, & wham! Panic attack, for me. Others fall into depression.
It sucks for us and those who care about us. So, for me, I am unburdening myself of the shit I simply don’t need. Guilt being one. I do the best I can. I always give my best. And that is going to have to be good enough, dammit. I’m unloading situations and people that are taxing. I am allowing myself to spend my time where I want, with whom I chose, doing whatever makes me feel good, without feeling guilt for not doing something else, or giving more, or being more.
Diva is taxing at times, but I am learning to appreciate her for who she is. Instead of fighting her & Boo, turning instead to just allowing them to be kids, and join their happy world more often.
For the friends I haven’t seen in months or even years, taking time to make time for them. I owe nobody an explanation or apology if they are not higher on my priority list. Even if you’re not about to be 40 in mere weeks, you don’t either! Don’t rush to make someone else happy all the time. Stop, already, and get your own happy!
Take your happy back!!
The world will not reverse it’s polarity, and the moutains will not crumble, all because you actually put yourself first. I promise, if that happens, it will have just been by coincidence that you did something to get your own happy at the precise moment the earth had mounted it’s revolt against humanity.
Perspective is great. It’s even better when you have control over your ADHD/OCD brain to gain that perspective. Dump the toxicity in your life. You’ll feel so much better. Today, I have about 8 more things that really need to be done, but if they don’t, ya know what? Fuck it! I tried. I did my best, & that IS good enough. If anyone takes issue, recognize that as not only an affront your character, but also their lack of compassion for your own peace of mind.
Peace & happy to you all, bitches!