Living life is merely making others smile! :)


Love this!

Originally posted on Living with ADHD:

I understand why I was put on this world, it was to help others. It’s all about making others smile now. I don’t want to stop helping people. Volunteering is just my first step, I want to help develop young people to really have the best in life. Be happy with what you have, and make the most of NOW. Depression be gone, unhappiness be gone. The only form of healing is smiling!

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Living life is merely making others smile! :)


Love this!

Originally posted on Living with ADHD:

I understand why I was put on this world, it was to help others. It’s all about making others smile now. I don’t want to stop helping people. Volunteering is just my first step, I want to help develop young people to really have the best in life. Be happy with what you have, and make the most of NOW. Depression be gone, unhappiness be gone. The only form of healing is smiling!

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ADHD sucks!!!

So, this “disorder” I have had all my life is cripling me.  I see how, in the past, that every failure can be linked to this, and that kinda ticks me off! So, I am easily distracted, side-tracked, etc., and I lose focus – a lot, unless I am able to concentrate with no distractions.  And man, do I LOSE my shit when I get interrupted! Holy hell.  Watch out!

My ex is a douche, and that is just how it is.  However, his complaints about me are rearing their heads once again.  However, my husband is actively supportive, realizes we need to make special arrangements, and work extra hard at our marriage.  Marriage is hard enough, but when one spouse has ADHD, even when diagnosed, and seeking treatment, communication and following-through with simple things, finishing small projects, putting things away, etc., seem insurmountable for me! Now, add to that my anxiety, and how I am overwhelmed by clutter, my OCD, and moving just throws me for a loop!

Boxes are everywhere. I start one box, then start looking for something else, then the baby needs me, then Boo needs me, it is meal time, and I am temporarily parilized, unable to slow the thoughts down, over stimulation prevents me from being able to focus on prioritizing, and, I am frozen, or worse, have a melt-down, screaming, pulling out my hair, or scratching my skin, sweat pouring out of every pore, and leaves me looking for a place to hide.

But there is no refuge! That instant when it all is too much. That instant is the one that I want to stop! That instant I want to confront, and control. That instant is the one that controls, overwhelms, and destroys me. It causes self-doubt, increases my anxiety, and chaos is over-running.  So, now, add that Boo has ADD, and adjusting to a brand-new environment, and needs me now more than ever to keep my shit together (no pressure there), how can I stop “that instant”?

My meds are helping, and last week, when his dad called to rant about wanting custody, I held my shit together, took a deep breath, then unloaded on him everything I had held my tongue for the last 11 years. Every one of HIS failures, short-comings, mistakes, faults, and handed him my judgement – that if he keeps it up, he’s gonna make his son hate him, and that no court in this state would take my son from me, and to stop bullying me, that I have had enough, and to get over himself, and accept the situation. Boo lives with me. Period. Next question.  I want to do that all the time.  So I have a book to read, called taking charge of adult adhd, and I really pray that, with medicine, can help me gain control and sanity to maintain my compisure at all times, and in all circumstances.  Other people can, so I will, too!

Wish me luck, because this is a demon I must face alone.  I will let you know how it turns out. 

Officially homeless

Well, it is all done. I sold my first house today. Now I live in a prominent neighborhood in West Plano. Ex couldn’t be more pissed, but ya know what? Fuck him.  This is my life. This is an awesome move for Boo, as his school is the Highland Park of Collin County, and my husband is 1 mile from his office!!! 

He called the other day to request custody of our son. Then sited my ADHD and OCD as reasons I’m not a good mother? Yeah, while I busted my ass 60+ hours a week, putting healthy food on the table, making sure my baby boy looked nice, went to a terrific private preschool & pre-K, and had my own home built!!!

And everything he does he thinks of his son – really?  You were thinking if your son & other kids from previous marriage when you were nailing your coi-worker? Really? He admitted to being abusive to his oldest son, which I witnessed first-hand, verbally & mentally abusive to me, which I have sought treatment for, and I am supposed to trust that he is not going to abuse my Boo?!?!? Reeeeeaaallllllllly? He punched his first wife when she was pregnant.  Now that he is older, he us not abusive? Wow. Turning 42 magically transforms you into a decent member of society? Wow. Only 4 more years, and I’ll be perfect, too.

Sorry, I call bullshit! A tiger can’t change its stripes, folks. He still bullies me, and telling me that I am the only one who makes him lose his temper is simply ridiculous.  Bully.  Once a bully, always a bully, and I am not having my only son, my first born, turn out as lousy as his mother made him out to be.  Impolite, rude, disrespectful, bitter, angry, and hateful.  My son is loving, caring, generous, and thoughtful.  I refuse to allow my ex to ruin the beautiful soul that is my son!!

A priest told me that I should fear no man, only God, and that I should seek for Him to guide my path.  Great advise! I stood firm, let him know he was a terrible dad, horrible excuse for a man, a bully, a bad example, and that my son is staying put with me. Period.

I may cuss like a sailor, I may be on medication (at least I am getting treatment, which is more than he can say), and at times, I am a bit – “over-the-top'” but I love my son, am teaching him morals, values, and helping him develop a relationship with God, and, at the same time, have him in a “blue ribbon” school! And THAT is what is important; that is what he needs.  Not some douche bag getting onto him every second because he has ADD, and can’t help it!!!

I have politely agreed to try to help teach my son coping skills over the summer, then, if he is still disruptive in class, will start meds this fall.  The excellent news is thgat the attorney I consulted 6 years ago still has me in her database, so he can’t use her.  She happens to be one of a select few lawyers who wrote the handbook and class for getting divorced with children.  She came highly recommended by a friend (federal judge now), & is one of tge most feared attoirneys out there, so, he wants a lawsuit? Bitch better be prepared, because my husband & I are!!  We will fight for my Boo with everything we have!  He is awesome, and deserves the best life we can afford him.

Have I ever mentioned hoiw awesome my husband is?  Or how perfect we are for each other? It took us a whilke to get together, but was all a part of God’s master plan-for both of us to live happily-ever-after.

BTW- remind me not to take my meds late in the day.  I’ll be up all friggin night!!!

This sux!!!

Oh hell no! Today has left me frazzled, and I am only 3 hours in! Diva fed, bottle, and fighting sleep.  Ex brought Boo home because he can’t walk on his left foot. Doctor appt in an hour, so have to get leaving here soon. Have connected electricity to new apt., called to give them proof it has been set up, then set up internet, got confirmation, & good discount. And fed Boo bacon, then milk, then some muffins. Then call from hubs. I got the wrong service – not basic, the fastest, most extreme internet speed available to man! So, it is being processed now, so I’ on hold (apprx 10 mins expected, hence, I am able to post). Also contacted attendance person at Boo’s school, and his last day will be May 20th.  I want to kill everything. There just isn’t enough klonipin, prozac, & vyvanse on the planet today!!!  I fucking hate moving!!! My ex, politicians, everything!!! Not you, tho.  You, I like. 

Okay, just one. . .

Okay, just one. . ..

Offline a while

before we close.  Secured the upgraded townhouse earlier, ready to move in this Saturday, so, I regret to inform you that my silly-ass rants will be on hold a while – but don’t get used to it!

BTW- Can anyone recommend good, quality movers?  I booked Ameritex. Wish

Okay, just one. . .

And I will be going into more of a full-on rant after the move is over.  However, there has been much debate over illegal immigrants.  Well, my family all got here legally, we have proof of when, who, & where.  Hell, my family even had official land grants from Mexico to be here in what is Texas legally.  I have good, dear friends who I love very much, and they have had to pay through the nose, fight the legal crap, jump thgrough the hoops, cut tge red tape, just to become legal citizens. And one or two, that have been denied, due to this, that, or the other, but who live here as a resident alien, paying taxes, owning businesses, and are law-abiding, for the most part.  So I do have some hard feelings of my own towards illegals coming to the U.S., and not just from our southern borders – from everywhere.

So, I prayed. Is it sooooo wrong to hire day laborers? Well, why did they come here? Most likely they were desperate for a better life, and saw no other option, and the taste of sweet freedom (at least for the time-being), was all they could dream about.  I have been to Mexico and Central America.  Lovely climate, lovely people, just loved it.  Many parts are so grossly impoiverished, I had to fight back tears, as not to show pity.  The people in that region are very proud, and to have pity from a white, American woman would be insulting and embarrasing.

Now, these people are so desperate for money in their pockets, the ability to buy food, find shelter that is more sturdy than a box, they leave all they know, risking their very lives, just in hopes of something better.  Nobody wants to starve to death, or worse, watch their loved ones die like that.  I cannot imagine that kind of desperation! God has chosen, for whatever reason, to spare me of that.  And I am grateful.  Grateful for my family, and that we are all well fed, have adequate healkth insurance, and are educated.

Now, my question is this: Did Christ say love everyone, or just thge ones who believe as you do? Anyone can do that, and That is what He said, actually.  However, God’s love, mercy, and grace are for everyone, irregardless if they accept it, deserve it, or understand it.  So then, as an obedient Christian, shouldn’t I love, regardless of any factors? God does not limit us, we limit Him and ourselves, mainly by being concerned more about our own ass, pay, tax rate, etc., then truly living out the faith that we have all been called to. 

So, by utilizing day labor, we are feeding, and clothing Jesus. Yeah, think about that shit!  He said, whoever does this for the least of me, has done it for me, paraphrasing, again, but my point is, we need to think about what we believe, and why.  What if they have come here because they had lost everything, or simply had nowhere else to go, and America is calling out like a beacon of God’s hope for a future, a life, food, and freedom!  Still think we should harm illegals?

Just wondering.  Okay, back to work. Geez, I have a ton to do before Saturday!!!

just wait!

I’ll try to upload a video that is very near & dear to my heart. Then, you can expect my expanded rant on my civil rights, constitutional rights, and, I may look into a pro-bono ACLU lawyer to take my case!  Yes, I am THAT pissed about those tools in DC thinking they have any kind of rights to dictate to me, or my fellow Americans!!!  I am on a mission!!!  Expect it tomorrow afternoon, hopefully!

My favorite place ever!!!

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