I’m so tired.

Exhausted, really. Tired of waiting for better days. Waiting for problems to be solved. Waiting to feel better. Waiting for things to work out. Waiting for life to begin. Waiting to be happy. Waiting.

Waiting at the check-out line. Waiting for Boo to finally stop talking back. Waiting for Diva to start talking. Waiting to do anything.

When I was a kid, I waited to be able to drive. Then waited to vote & get into night clubs. Waiting to go to college. Waiting to move out. Later waiting get into the cool night clubs. Waiting to purchase adult beverages.

Waiting to get married. Waiting to have kids. Waiting to get divorced. Waiting to restore credit in my own name. Waiting to have a home built. Then, suddenly, everything was – far from perfect, but the only waiting I seemed to do was in traffic.

Then, waiting to get remarried, waiting for Boo to start Kindergarten. Waiting to deliver Diva. Waiting to trade in vehicles. Waiting to sell the house.

I need a few years to just enjoy life. I see it rushing by a bit faster with each passing day. While I wait, my grip on the idea of happiness, the very thought of enjoyment, simply eludes me.

I wait for spring break, in hopes we will enjoy one day together. I must break this waiting cycle. One day is coming, but today is one day to enjoy, too.

Time waits for no one. Don’t let life pass you by.

Peace, bitches.

How lucky am I???

So, I got Jag #1 outta the shop yesterday. Less than 9 hours later, I drove Boo to his Jiujitsu class. And WHAT-THE-FUCK???? Kid slams his door open RIGHT into my fender!! Put a dent & a gash in the car. Are you fucking kidding me??? Jag #2 is possessed by the devil, & Jag #1 is fucking cursed!

The lady asked if she could just pay for damages, rather than go thru insurance, but after she sees the estimate (metallic paint), she may opt to call her insurance. We’ll see when we go to class tomorrow. I’ll also get to waste more time getting quotes for a loaner car. Uuugh.

I fucking love my life!! Woohoo!! I can’t catch a break!! Karma hates me. I swear, she has got the wrong person! No way I did anything to deserve this much grief on a daily basis. Murderers, adulterers, thieves, rapists, & child molesters have better luck than me. What the fuck did I do? Uuugh.

Be good, & whatever you do, don’t piss off Karma. She is a total cunt!

I was a week early . . .

I’m a dumb ass. We knew this. Have I mentioned that there are obstacles in my life that just piss me the fuck off? Once or twice, maybe? Yeah? Well, I am tired of waiting for shit to go my way. Fuck it. Gonna start enjoying my life. Let’s hope. If not, I’ll just become a drunk.

Either way.

Tomorrow is Lent

I’ve decided that for Lent, I will be giving up hope. I believe it is hope and faith that has made me so miserable. All of these years I have clung to the hope for all of the promises in the Bible. That God is faithful, that He will bless you, that He has good plans . . . Meh. It was written by man.  After all, God only takes credit for good stuff, not the bad, so obviously all the bad shit – God just was unaware of? Guess His hearing is going, because He hasn’t seemed to hear my prayers, either.

The whole part about Him not forsaking us? Sure seems like He kinda ignored that part in the Bible, too.  I ain’t mad. I just think that all the crap we have been taught may just be crap thought up by man to keep us hoping in vein, to keep working as hard as we can . . . To detract from God’s real concern. 

I guess the way you treat others & if you love God, even when He ignores you, that’s all that is important. Whether or not I am happy, comfortable, and/or well is not His concern.  So, me hoping to be happy is actually pointless. He could care less. So instead, I will focus only on treating others well, because He loves me. Not like a parent, as I once believed, but more like a possession.

Who wants a scuffed-up, dirty old car? He wants shiney new ones, so every day should be a new day, where I can start over. Wash it, take care of it, keep it clean. Maintain it. Shine. Shine for others to see.

Think God cares if you’re happy with your place in life? Look at Paul. His ass STAYED in jail. God’s own Son got hung on a cross.  Damn, right? So, me wanting everything in my life “just so,” is kind of a stupid idea. Why would He help me out? I gotta do happy on my own. And I gotta be the best I can be on my own.

See, ya’ll thought I was gonna go negative – didn’t know I was gonna twist that shit for positive, did ya? I can be pissed my life isn’t my idea of perfection, but it’s on me to fix it, change it, or accept it.

So, hoping for my life to miraculously become perfect, well, I might as well go piss in the wind.

If you believe in God or not, please just be good to one another.

Peace, bitches.

Excited about today

I just can’t wait to see what joys God is set to bestow upon me today! Trying to save up money so we can unload these two Jaguars From Hell, then buy a permanent home . . . So far, I have gotten sick, Hubs now has a cold, & Diva . . . Let’s see . . . She started tugging at her right ear Friday, the same day I took Jag #1 to the shop, & was told it needs it’s routine maintenance ($700), & yesterday, I scratched off what looked like toe jam, but was actually a form of excema, according to the pediatrician.  Again, stoked to find out just how much more God’s blessings are gonna get heaped on us this week.  Will be running to get her prescriptions when she gets up from her nap. But actually, she just got a 5 minute nap in the loaner car & refusing to go back to sleep. So that means she’s up & will be demanding the rest of today. Yeah. We will be stuck here, in hell, for eternity. There is no light, just a long fucking tunnel that we can’t seem to escape. Yeah. Just another day in paradise.

Peace, bitches. Hope your life sucks less than mine.

2014 is a bitch!

Ever feel like you are trying like hell to just hold on, only to look up & see God kicking your fingers loose? I gotta say “WTF”? I have listened to Him, tried to be pleasant, (which really is as disgusting as cleaning urinals with no gloves), and I have gotten nowhere, slowly. What’s the point? Never get ahead? Never accomplish your dreams? Don’t even bother?

My fucking asthma is back. My shrink refused to treat me. Very few shrinks take insurance, which makes me feel like saying “quack quack quack!” I seriously want to send postcards out. I’ve been sick one month.  Week 5 saw improvement. Now to do the housework! Yeah. And this Friday is Cub Scouts’ big banquet. Which I am MC-ing, but have not seen a program yet. And, my husband & I agreed to a strict budget to start saving money. Strange. It sounded good on paper. He worked on that budget for 2 weeks. It was glorious!  Then real life set in.

The gloves are off, World. I hate you; your mom, Reality; your father, Time; your Uncle Sam’s political machine; and your ugly wife Monsato, whose food tastes like shit! I am taking it to you, asshole! I am sticking here & making a scene. Oh yeah. “I should tread lightly?” Fuck that shit! I’m swinging a mother fucking 3 iron, you fuck. Mother fuckers better step the fuck outta my way. I am done being nice & getting fucked over!

Peace. Wait, no. Wait. Peace for us. Fuck the other assholes! 

Just be excellent, like a boss.


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