Diva is just making messes & my back hurts too damn bad, & I am just too tired.
I floundered onto the sofa. The dishes – every single one, were cleaned. Before dinner. I have a stack now, but Hub emptied the dishwasher, so I can just load them in the machine in the morning & voila! Done, again!
On his way into the living area, he put Diva’s toys into the assorted boxes (another task I did while they napped, so I’m feeling pretty accomplished), then turned on some Richard Marx, & danced with Diva to “Hold On To The Night”. It was so sweet, even though that song normally makes me want to wretch.
For dinner, I made an excellent Thai Bouillabaisse – I modified the recipe from others I’d seen, so I’ll post that recipe later if, and that’s a big IF, I get her to sleep before I crash.
Having 3 hours to clean, organize, & tidy while getting to listen to my music was the best therapy imaginable. For the 1st time in 3 years, I felt ok, centered, okay, in control, secure, strong, independent, wholely me, & at peace. Cleaning & listening to music was my routine. It was what I knew. It’s what I did while Boo was at his dad’s, and what I did for myself. I need a clean, organized, and at least tidy house, to function. This is my norm. My peace. What I have been missing.
The apartment is far from done, but I have hope. I have a list & a plan. And bit by bit, I will prevail.
Yup. My OCD is every bit in control. And it has been. Which is the root of my anger & frustration. Poor Diva didn’t ask for a crazy mom. Boo knows me. He knows me a little too well, actually. He know precisely how to distract me to evade punishment. He knows how to pull my heartstrings to get his way, he usually knows exactly what I mean by what I say when others would scratch their heads in confusion, he knows when to leave me alone, & always knows when I need a hug. But that door swings both ways. He was my whole universe for 5 years. And I was his. Now we gotta train two newbies. But we’re getting there. Marriage, blending families, & adding a baby, now toddler just throws ya for a loop. Add to it psychological & neurological disorders, & it takes a little longer. But every day is a part of our journey. And the way I do it, it’s a real adventure
But just when I felt pretty good about today, my son just called to say goodnight, & the happy that rained down when I heard his sweet little voice – damn. You just gotta get that kind of happy!! I feel like I may choke on it, then burst into flames. Love it.
Love it, love it, love it! I’m just gonna wallow it that happy for a while.
Peace bitches. May happy jump on your face this week!