Okay. I’m trying the deep breathing & cold water . . . Per shrink. Meds still working.
Although I do believe I had a mild heart attack Monday night – lol. Took Diva FOUR FUCKING HOURS to go to sleep. Are you fucking kidding me? I seriously about stroked out trying to keep from killing her. My son. And my mom’s dog. And their home phone. Who has a home phone? And why? Oh, to wake my toddler. Yeah. Seems legit.
I haven’t seen Boo since I dropped him w/ his dad Tuesday morning. Fucking sinus drainage is making me delightful, yet the only screams today have been from Diva. I haven’t even been close to losing my shit. And that is awesome. Even though my ears & throat are killing me. And my damn bersitis in my right hip is literally kicking my ass. I’m here, & I’m in control. And my GI spasms are really getting old. I’m okay.
Pool water was like . . . Dayum? Ice crystals?? But after dinner I asked Diva what the best part of today was: she stopped to think, then she started waving her hands & singing. I asked if it was singing & she grabbed my hands. I asked “singing with me,” & she said yes. Ahhh. Yup. My day was made!!
We practiced some words, colored, played with dolls & her dollhouse, & sang our alphabet, colors, shapes & numbers. And sinnging with me was the best part of her day!! She is getting much better at talking, & understanding not to hit, kick, or throw, as well as not yelling, screaming, or growling at me. (Note:animal from Muppets, reference).
Tonight’s bedtime was just after 7, per my shrink, & she was finally asleep around 9:30.
We are all working hard to be a happy, functional family. But that shit is hard. Apartment is still an unholy mess, but with 2 kids, it will be. Still dreaming of that house with a big back yard to let them run & play. We’ll get there.
Still working on Cub Scouts. I’ll get there. Trying to figure out cars, as Hubs wants a Vette & I want an XJL, and neither are in the budget with a half-million-dollar house all at the same time.
In life, this is certain: there are no certainties.
There are no givens. You gotta take what you got & try like fuck-all to make it work, while finding your happy, otherwise . . . Well, otherwise you’re just a rat in a cage, stinky, miserable, & trapped.
My last thoughts are about something that’s been on my mind for a week. It’s about you. Imagine you are a hot new night club, very exclusive. Your doorman has a guest list. Some are getting in because they wait & they come & hang out. Then you have your VIPS- these are the ones who walk past the line & cross through the velvet ropes. These are your revered friends & extended family. However, there is another group still more exclusive. This is your entourage. The ones you cannot leave home without.
For me, my entourage is a small circle of blood or legally bound family: Hubs, Boo, Diva, my parents, my sister & MIL & FIL. These are the only ones that are always with me. Can always reach me, & who I owe my utmost to. My VIPs are a close 2nd. And they still get bottle service & access to the VIP room, but that inner circle is my very first line of defense. The VIP ring fills any gaps.
As your life changes, the VIP list will, too. Some will slip from VIP to honored guests & vice versa. But that entourage list-that one is for life, & for me, it’s strictly blood. Because I know, at the gates of hell, those are the ones who would stick by me – no matter the cost, & for me, it is the same.
Some VIPs get honorable mention here, as my VIP list is also very exclusive – I’d say around 15, with half not related, but would gladly help me bury a body & likewise. However, if I’d managed to piss off everyone, even my entourage, the entourage would still remain. I’d have to do some kind of drink specials to win back my VIPs. . .
So, what I’m saying is choose your circles. And choose them wisely. Don’t be happy you are on someone’s guest list. Make your own. And mind the bouncer doesn’t let frenemies into the VIP area for unnecessary drama in the form of stress. And know where you stand & where others stand so nobody leaves the club pissed off. And don’t be afraid of no-showing on occasion. Not because you’re a flake, but because your entourage needs you more. Or because you need some happy on your own.
Well. I’m about to rub some cream on my hip & get my sleep on so I can rock tomorrow like a happy rockstar bitch!
I don’t mean to come off all preachy, but life’s short, marriage is work, being a mom is a struggle, & only my entourage fully understand my crazy, messed-up life. But they love me unconditionally, & for that, I am forever loyal to them first-because all of them have seen me at rock-fucking-bottom like nobody else. You know, those parts we gloss over to the VIPs, & omit completely for everyone else. Most likely everyone has this list already, but keep it updated, & make a point to visit each VIP once/year. For my VIPs out of state, I’m going to implement a conference call via video chat. It’s been too long. Get YOUR happy on.
Peace & love, bitches!