By 

Radio silence


My husband’s been in Mumbai all month. He’s still there now, in fact. It has sucked donkey balls!!!  I initially trued to be positive, & thought good; It will give us both time to appreciate each other.   After day three, we were both appreciative.  By day 9 I was seriously losing my shit.  Day 12, & I was grasping at sanity like a stray hair on the back of my sweater that I could see in the mirror, but just couldn’t reach. Day 15 . . .

Let me tell you about day 15, today. We have missed a few days of speaking here & there due to the drastic time difference.

Someday, I will need to know how the fuck we get 11 AND A HALF HOUR time difference . . . Seriously. Where the hell does a half-hour play into this???? Someone, somewhere needs to fix that shit.  I digress . . .

Okay, so day 15 starts like this. I have a throbbing headache, but NOT a migraine, which, I am thankful for (it’s November, just pretend you’re on FaceBook), Diva is awake at dawn because this is day 5 of her “cold”, & Boo stayed with his dad since I kept him all last week, which added to days 9-12 being FUCKING HELL ON EARTH, I go down to get her some fresh water, and notice the dog not whining to go out . . . I already know what I’ll find.  He peed a frigging river 5 times last night, so just poop, which I will forgive.  Oh hell no!  *Three words you NEVER EVER want to hear a Hot Southern Mess say* That motherfucker pissed a lake on the entry tile & took, what looked like, two shits!!  Again, I say, awwwwwe Hheeeelllllllllllll Nnooooooooo!

Diva now has a cough & tugging at her ears. My head is throbbing, as it’s Dallas in Fall & my dumb ass forgot to take my medicine for allergies/rhinitis, so I scoop up the shit, waste the last of the paper towels sopping up his piss, jerk his collar & leash on him, open the door, & as he runs out, another dog runs in. WHAT THEEEEEE FUUUUCK?!

“Lulu, no, no, baby. Come back here.” Stunned, half awake & without a clue, I stand there in my doorway.  Stunned.  Like a damn deer in some headlights.  “So sorry.”  I should have kicked that guy’s ass.  If for or no other reason than having a girly dog, AND named Lulu.   Never mind it FUCKING RAN IN MY APARTMENT!!! Lacking coffee, they both got to live today & yeah for me! Another day I didn’t go to Jail while Hubs is gone. Vodka has had an enormous impact on that.

Okay. So back inside with dog boy, head throbbing, I call the pediatrician, who is booked, but worried, so can see us in about an hour. Shit! Gotta hustke, but can be done. Fuck everything else I planned to get done. Take 4 ibuprophen, Allegra, *fucking ass* nose spray, pure sang oil all over my face, some ACE for my fat ass, washed down with some Gatoraide, & we are off to see the dr.

Get to dr., & no infection, “on the end of the cold it gets worse . . .” Blah, blah, blah. Was just there Friday . . . Uuugh. Run to Target, & the medication prescribed has recently been discontinued & will “require a dr authorization to “. . . Suck my dick.  THIS after going full-on V-8-Jaguar-driving-Tawanda against a Honda Odesdy in the parking lot over the perfect space . . . I won, by the way, then gotta go get Boo from school.   He had a good day. Yeah!!!

Get home. Feed Diva, Boo, & me late lunch/snack. Change Diva.  After a few minutes, I smelled shit, I asked if she needed a new dipee. She tugged at her pull up.  Ok. On the table, I rip off one side, then she grabs her pull up & stops me, just as I feel warmth on the inside of her pull ups.   She finished going pee. I asked her if she was finished and she smiled.  “Good girl,” I said as I tried to rip the other side off.  Took too long, I guess, & she started pulling at it & kicking . . . Yep. Shit was all over both of us.

That about sums it up, right there.

Before I was re-married I had order, structure, & a schedule.  Since Diva it has been chaos & confusion.  My life is just a blur of from-bad-to-worse, with little highs & lows scattered about here & there.  But it was me & Boo. For six years we were each others world. I adore Diva, but since Hubs has been gone I have realized that I have been sucked into this vortex from hell into the Diva Abyss.

My son will be half-way grown before she exits toddler-hood. The days are passing me by. And the days with Diva are spent on chores and/or errands. I just want normalcy. Something familiar. For us all to not only function, but have fun together. I want every item in this apartment thrown out. If it is not essential to life, let it be just gone!! No trying to organize the clutter, or moving shit from here to there.  I want a home. I want to be settled, my mind to be calm, & to watch my kids enjoy life, instead of keeping them from killing one another, or causing injury to themselves.

Words of advise: if you have ADHD &/ or OCD-have only one child, unless you have a maid and or nanny. The guilt is overwhelming, & you can NEVER, ever get everything done AND be the parent you want to be, let alone, the person you once were for yourself or your spouse.

So there.  That’s the reason for my radio silence.  And . . . This morning’s little poop on the tile incident . . . Has happened now 4 times in the last 15 days.  He misses Hubs, too. And his daily long walks with me.

Peace, ya’ll. If you have it, cling to it for your life!! If not, then we’ll keep looking & hoping for it together.

Life’s too short to be boring or unhappy!

HotMess
About me

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a southern hot mess? Join me as I slam through life like a bull in a china shop. It’s better if you just go with it.

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1 Comments

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