Hanging on by a thread. . .
I’m hanging on by a thread. OCD is still out of control. My daughter is a hot mess today, and she is on my last nerve like a fat bird on a thin wire.
This is what I get for not planning today. Lesson learned: do not chill at night, go to bed “early,” and plan to “just wing it” tomorrow. Not with these two kids.
The storm that rolled in around 2 AM allowed for us all 3 to sleep until 9. So now, it’s already miserably hot outside. It’s fine for me, but in a black-on-black sedan, I just feel terrible for the kids in the back seat. I hired a Mommy Helper yesterday, and she starts tomorrow. I need a break, I need to take back this house. I need to carve out some peace so I can chase that happy instead of my own tail. And speaking of tail, Boo asked if we can get a dog yesterday, and not just any dog, but a dog with issues that his dad’s sister is giving up. Yeah, no. Like I need to be constantly cleaning up dog pee. Awe hell no!
I’ve actually made myself sick this morning. ADHD doesn’t really help calm my OCD. Instead, it sends millions of bits of information, tiny blinks of thoughts, at light speed through my brain, and I’m overloaded to the point of a nuclear meltdown, then the OCD rush of inadequacies flood into my nervous system, and do you know what happens when you flood a car? It stalls. It won’t start. You’re stranded. And that, dear ones, is where I’m at.
However, Mom’s don’t get a time out. Mom’s can’t stall. Mom’s gotta go. We have to go, go, go – all the time. Through sickness, neurological disorders, scorching sun, drowning rain, personal loss, and physical exhaustion. Little people and big people, too, are counting on us. So we Mom up!
With that, I will pull it together, take my own advice, and “just go with it”. They won’t die from a little heat, I’ll bring a squirt bottle (like a little water is going to hurt the car any more than they have already trashed the back seat, so long as they don’t hurt the suede headliner), and we are going to chase down some happy today! We are about to go adventuring! I am more than this crippling disorder. I am better than this. I deserve happy, and by the grace of God, I’m about to get it – for myself, and for my kids. Go get your happy, too!