Southern. Hot. Mess.
Southern. Hot. Mess. I say! Somebihyaaatch. My life has just completely taken this phrase to a new level. I’m an emotional badass, I’ve decided. I’d have to be to get through the ridiculous living nightmare that has been my life the last 13 months! Again, mess is not sufficient. The level of batshit crazy I’ve endured, experienced, and caused is equivalent to the level of chaos that can only be described as a southern. hot. mess.
For those of you keeping score at home . . . it took 8 months to diagnose wtf was wrong with me – autoimmune disorders that I’m still working through and trying to come to terms with, Hubs has been “sick” with some ailment for the better part of a year. I believe it all started late November last year when he just could not get well, and his doctor seems to be completely incompetent, or else my husband has some disorder so rare that no other human has had it. Yeah, I’m about to go complete trailer park on his general medicine doctor’s ass the next time I see him! So, after 2 months of being sick last year, and even missing Christmas, we got him to an ENT who performed surgery – 4 procedures, but all was great, and should get him all better. Yeah, again . . . not so much. Several sinus infections post surgery, bronchitis, strep throat, upper respiratory infections . . . seriously, you name it, and he’s had it, and it’s something new every other week since like March. He’s missed so much work, it has become a serious issue there and at home. So, after coughing up blood a few weeks ago, he landed in the ER, at his pulminologist’s request . . . AND YET WE STILL HAVE NO DEFINITIVE ANSWERS as to what is causing this, why it happened, and WHEN (for the love of all things holy) he will be better. Frustrating and tiring for Hubs and me. I booked our vacation to Great Wolf Lodge when he was experiencing an unprecidented 2 weeks of being well! He was sick again by the time it rolled around.
Christmas is 52 days away at this point. I’m just throwing that out there, in case you didn’t know.
You get that he & I are both very sick, and struggling with our health, yeah? Good. Now, let’s get back to what’s important here – me. I lost my Mom’s mom to Alzheimer’s early June. She was . . . I have no words to adequately describe her, but she was my first best friend, she was my confidant, she always had my back, she was my teacher, and protector . . . and spoiled me rotten because she could. I loved her like I’ve loved no other. She was just awesome. I want to be just like her, ya know, minus the Alzheimer’s. Then literally, to the day, ONE MONTH later, my dad’s mother died. She was cold, distant, and somewhat cruel at times. I honestly believe she is haunting me; maybe it’s just my subconscious that is reminding me of things she said and did, and now, as an adult, I can see that perhaps she didn’t mean the things she said and did to be hurtful – perhaps she was just trying to impress upon me some important things that she wanted me to know, that I’ll also want to pass onto my daughter, although perhaps in a different style, since obviously, I don’t want my little mini me thinking I hate her. She gets on my damn nerves, but I’d kill anyone who hurt her, or talked trash about her. I digress . . . two deaths, with me getting my first definitive diagnosis, the day after #2 died.
Southern. Hot. Mess. This is ground zero for the damn hot mess that I am in the midst of on a daily basis. The details change, but the situation is the same – and I find myself bent over, ready to kiss my own ass goodbye. I mean seriously, one day I’m gonna snap, and they are going to strap me in a white suit and haul my ass away to a rubber room. Again, it’s hard to imagine, much less believe the level of batshit crazy I deal with on a daily basis. It’s as if I have become some sort of cosmic comedy reality show, and Karma hates me.
In the midst of all of this stupidity, I’m trying to raise 2 kids. Boo had a birthday (as did Hubs and I, along with our wedding anniversary), we quit scouts, kept soccer, added guitar lessons, and I let my laundry lady go . . . and of all the things I’ve lost in life, Kitty is truly one of the things I miss the most. Oh to have fresh laundry, hung, sorted, folded, and ready to put away, rather than the dreaded 5 baskets, the dryer, and 2 chairs full of clean laundry. And speaking of laundry, I’ve had a load in the washer a few hours that I have to get to before it’s too late! And you all know what I mean. Soured clothes . . . because it’s like 90 outside with less than 2 months to Christmas. I friggin love Texas! It’s ruining the Fall for me this year – I’m so pissed! Plus, I can’t start my allergy shots until my wheezing stops, nor should I start doing the kind of exercise to get the last 60 lbs of steroid weight off, until we get a freeze, and the pollen goes to hell, right with the mosquitos!
And this election is just stupid. I mean really! I’m not even going there. I long for the calm, easy days when I can sip chai on my patio, reading a magazine, with no surprise calls of impending doom . . . This week I’ve received several. The most concerning is that my son received a very mild concussion on Monday morning, and the school nurse just said to watch for signs for up to 48 hours, if they persisted for longer, then I would want to contact our pediatrician. Well, the symptoms are worsening, and increasing, with about 12 hours to go before we hit the 48 hour mark. Hubs is home. Diva is doing great learning from me, and we are having a blast most days. She has reverted to wearing diapers, but that is a long conversation for another day.
Today was a bad day, as my fatigue overtook my body earlier today. Taking care of 3 other people, plus myself is just unrelenting. Physical, emotional, and mental stress overload lately. And I’m tired now, but, as they say, no rest for the weary, so here I go, to finish this load of laundry before crawling into the futon with my daughter – yeah, that’s another story for another day. It relates to the diapers, though so, ha! You’ll get two for one that day, assuming I make it to tell you. Laugh out loud.
Seriously. Laugh out loud! Throw some glitter on your body. Dance naked. Eat cheetos in your underwear. Binge watch Netflix. Hide in the bathroom. You do whatever it is you have to do to get your happy. And don’t let anyone stop you, or take that from you! You and I are important. And we deserve to get our happy, no matter how quickly it fades, for one moment, just be still and get your happy on!