Third Row Problem

We all know about first world problems. I want to spend a moment talking about one in particular that has become quite bothersome for me; The third row problem.

I live in Plano. Yes, Plano and Addison were most likely the first two cities in the DFW metroplex whose police vehicles were suburbans. That makes sense, because honestly, everywhere I drive in Plano, every other vehicle is either a luxury car or an SUV. HA! I drive a luxury SUV. Yes, I’m easily amused, and I amuse the hell out of myself. I digress. That third row problem . . .

Ok, normal day-to-day, I have the third row folded flat to make for one ginormous trunk, right? Yeah, it’s nice for those super huge shopping trips, my son’s soccer gear, his guitar, ya know, mom stuff. Y’all following me so far?

Two months ago I had my car detailed, so it must have happened after that. What? What happened, you ask? Take a good, long gander at that picture up top. Yup. That’s a can of cinnamon rolls with the Cinnabon® cream cheese icing. I can’t remember when I bought those, much less when I didn’t make it in the house with them, but yesterday I saw them in all their busted-ass glory. So pissed. Scared, too, that Hubs was really going to kill or divorce me over this. He’s been really cool so far, so just be watching headlines, and if I come up missing . . . I kid. I kid.

For those of you who don’t have that glorious third row, I’m sorry you don’t know the convenience. See, when folded flat, and you drive like, well, me, shit gets thrown around unless it is strapped down with zip ties or bungee cords. Now, that third row that is folded flat . . . It isn’t flush with the floor, kid. Oh, no, no, no! It, and the trunk are raised higher, so that it is more comfortable? Yeah, no, no it’s not. I’m not sure why, but I know it’s that way in the he LR4, too. The seats and trunk are flat, with a steep, narrow drop, forming a hellish crevice between the folded seats, and the second row. **Makes for decent legroom when you are carrying 7 passengers like we did yesterday, tho. Very nice, indeed! My son (age 11) & I (5’3”) rode comfortably enough, with room for his guitar in the actual trunk. Nice, right? Told you it comes in handy when living in Plano!!

Anyway, when a rogue grocery item gets liberated from the store (or cloth reusable) bag, and the seats are down, you better pray that item was (1) something you’ll actually miss and go searching for; & (2) something that won’t expire/spoil/bust open, because if those things work against you, well, you are looking at a $200 detailing bill from the dealer. Now, my vehicle was scotch guarded with something called zaktech, and it should be insured or replaced free of charge, per the additional warranty. I’ll find out tomorrow. That’s my next post – is it worth it to protect the car fabric and paint, and how Crest Volvo handle my hot mess. If you’ve been following my tweets today, then you already saw how round 1 went today (I wasn’t able to clean it all up on my own, per their suggestion).  

There you have it, folks! The third row problem: Shit gets lost in the crevice, and unless you go back there on a regular basis, there is no telling what you’re gonna find when you do. Get your happy!

Peace, bitches.

About me

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a southern hot mess? Join me as I slam through life like a bull in a china shop. It’s better if you just go with it.


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Found My Zen
July 22, 2017
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Oh, and bacon!
June 04, 2017
Zero Control
May 31, 2017
OCD southern hot mess
What I don’t say
May 24, 2017
No words for the last seven days
May 20, 2017
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March 14, 2017
I love my friends
November 03, 2016
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Southern. Hot. Mess.
November 01, 2016

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